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I have a co-worker with whom every interaction can best be described as running your body up against sandpaper.

I am new to the company, and she has been here for more than 10 years. I would love to have a cordial, even friendly, relationship with her, but I am unsure how to make that happen.

budyd Not only do her actions make the workplace uncomfortable, but she refuses to respond to email or complete tasks assigned to her. But she does seem to be buddy-buddy with a few people. Any suggestions?

The Workologist hears quite a bit about unpleasant colleagues, often as with this inquiry expressed in language that suggests just movoe visceral workplace antipathy can become.

Maybe hell is mainly colleagues.

Hakim says. This mentality will help you separate the personal and the professional. Next, Dr. In her consulting practice, Dr.

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Hakim says, many interpersonal problems boil down to a failure to communicate directly about the real problem with someone who can actually resolve it. Instead, we talk about it with everyone else, until it festers into loathing.

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I need to find a way to conceal my revulsion about a colleague. When he joined our small company, we all welcomed him with enthusiasm, despite his initial cloying, overzealous demeanor.

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Since then, he has revealed himself to be very crude. His behavior regularly includes belching or sneezing loudly and widely, and wearing spandex shorts and flip-flops to the office no one else dresses this way. Meanwhile, he is still learning to do things he claimed were already in his skill set. I was so startled and disturbed that I felt a enw sensation in my throat.

It may be that he can only see me through the narrow lens of being frien woman. How can I find a way to stay professionally courteous?

Loud sneezing may be annoying, but the absence of necessary skills is a much more legitimate issue. The dubious oversharing is more ambiguous.

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lokoing Whether it was a one-off incident could make a difference. So zero in on the real problems that need to be articulated to higher-ups.

Hakim suggests a variety of day-to-day escape tactics. At the water cooler, nod and say hello, then move purposefully back to your desk. Break eye contact, look at your phone or your watch, and move on.

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Send your workplace conundrums to workologist nytimes. The Workologist is a guy with well-intentioned opinions, not a professional career adviser. Letters may be edited.

Not to Be Your Friend. ANONYMOUS The Workologist hears quite a bit about unpleasant colleagues, often as with this inquiry expressed in language that suggests just how visceral workplace antipathy can become. A version of this article appears in print onon Page BU7 of the New York edition with the headline: Open in the app.